School bus driver Michelle Harris, 52, said that growing up in New York as the only child of a single working mom, she lived a sheltered and somewhat spoiled life.
“We certainly were not rich, but because I was an only child, I had my own room and I wore nice clothes and enjoyed other little luxuries, and not many kids in our neighborhood could say the same,” Michelle said. “From an early age, I gravitated to kids who were needy. I used to get in trouble with my mom because I was always giving my clothes and shoes to children who seemed to need them more than I did.”
Today, in her home in Aiken, South Carolina, Michelle is an Epworth foster parent. She currently cares for two teenage girls and also cares for teens as a respite foster. As a respite provider, she takes in teens for a night or a week or longer, while permanent placement is being found.
Epworth recruits single adults like Michelle, as well as married couples, to serve as foster parents. They must be able to provide children with a stable, safe and loving home. But like all foster agencies, Epworth has more foster families that prefer younger children than families preferring teenagers.
“It’s true that sometimes teenagers can be know-it-alls, but often they have been through so much, that they are traumatized and angry, and they can take their anger out on the wrong people,” Michelle said. “So, to foster teens, you need to be someone with the emotional strength and patience to get past the prickly, defensive layer that teens in foster care often put up at first.”
Michelle has fostered both younger children and teens, and she said she actually prefers teenagers. They are less demanding physically, and when treated with respect, most teens can be reasoned with and end up being enjoyable and rewarding company. She said 90 percent of the teenagers she has cared for have been fine once she spent time with them and made them feel comfortable and safe.
“I’ve found that a lot of these kids are simply scared to death,” she said. “They’ve seen younger kids getting placed with families, but so often, no one seems to want them or is willing to stick out the tough times with them. They are overlooked and misunderstood. Also, I speak very respectfully to teens and set out the ground rules clearly. I think they appreciate that I am fair and that I talk straight with them.”
That’s not to say that she doesn’t have moments when she wonders if she’s taken on too much. But Michelle is not above asking Epworth foster care staff to find a respite caregiver when she needs a few days’ break from the teens. She said Epworth staff are always happy to find respite care so that she can replenish her spirit.
Michelle said she is often asked how and why she does it. Along with the teens, she also cares for her elderly mom who has early-stage dementia. She continues to hold a job as a school bus driver. In response, she tells them about how she felt as a child, instinctively drawn to children in need.
“In high school, one of my best friends was a girl who was in foster care,” Michelle said. “I was very interested in her situation and asked her a lot of questions about it. She told me that her mom had a problem with drugs, so she lived with a foster family. She was a good person and know
ing her and learning about her situation made a big impression on me.”
As an adult, Michelle raised three children of her own and eventually moved from New York to South Carolina. As a single mom, she struggled financially at times and had to accept subsidized housing to keep a roof over her family. This deepened her compassion for struggling families.
Michelle’s first experience as a foster parent came after her own children were grown. One day out of the blue, she received a phone call from a social worker back in New York who told her that three siblings, the children of Michelle’s goddaughter, had been removed from the home and that they were going to have to be split up in different foster homes. The social worker did not want to see that happen and she wondered if Michelle might consider taking the children as a licensed kinship foster parent.
“The social worker said that if I wanted to take them, I had 4 days to return to New York to apply for licensing and get the children,” Michelle said. “I also had to stay in New York long enough to establish residency. So, I did it, almost on impulse. I gave up my apartment in South Carolina and went to live for a while with my mom in New York so I could qualify as a kinship foster parent and get the three children.”
Eventually, Michelle brought the three children back to South Carolina. For three years, Michelle cared for them, cooking healthy meals and enrolling the boy in school sports, which helped him slim down from an obese 130 pounds at 7 years of age to a healthy weight. The children were about 3 years behind in school, and Michelle made sure they attended classes daily and received the extra help they needed to catch up with their peers. The children’s biological mom visited them regularly. At the end of three years, Michelle’s goddaughter regained custody of the children, and they returned to New York.
Michelle had grown to love the three children, and she admits it felt devastating at first to lose them. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to foster again. But when a job at a children’s home brought traumatized children back into her line of sight, she made the decision to try it again. She says her love of young people and her innate desire to help children in need won out. Eventually, she signed up to foster through Epworth.
“I wasn’t satisfied with the foster care agency I signed up with at first, so I started calling around,” Michele said. “Within two hours on leaving a message, I received a response from Epworth.
Michelle said Epworth foster care staff members have been incredibly supportive and responsive to her concerns and needs as a foster parent.
“Everyone I’ve dealt with at Epworth has just been wonderful,” Michelle said. “Because of them, things run smoothly. They keep me posted and I keep them informed of everything. I feel that I can get help from them whenever I need it. You need that support as a foster parent. It’s because of Epworth’s support that I’ve been able to get over any temporarily tough moments to continue fostering teens.”
