Epworth’s growing Foster Care program recruits and supports foster families with training, services, fellowship with other foster parents, and more. When a foster parent chooses to adopt the child or children they are fostering, Epworth supports them through that journey as well. Here is a story about a past Epworth foster parent who is now the adoptive parent of three young girls, sisters, who came into her life through the Epworth Foster Care program.
As a child, Rebekah Carpenter daydreamed about one day growing up to adopt children “who didn’t have a chance.”
As an adult, she occasionally contemplated her childhood dream, but most of the time, it rested in the back of her mind while she built a career as a leadership development educator and author. It remained there when, in her late 40s, she enrolled at Columbia Theological Seminary in Decatur, Georgia, to become a Presbyterian minister.
“I kept telling myself, I’m single, I’m not wealthy, I don’t know how to be a parent,” she said. “The truth is, I was scared to do it.”
After her ordination in 2018, however, Rebekah took a friend’s wise advice to heart.
“My friend said if you can give a child love and stability, that’s it, you can do it, you’ll figure the rest out,” she said.
Months later, while working as a pastor of Sion Presbyterian Church in Winnsboro, South Carolina, and as a transitional pastor for New Hope Presbyterian Church in Gastonia, North Carolina, Rebekah applied to become a foster parent with Epworth.
“When Ms. Carpenter expressed interest in fostering, I told her all about Epworth and began supporting her through the licensing process,” recalls Haley Huff, then a recruitment coordinator for Epworth. “Upon my first visit to her home, I could immediately tell what a warm and friendly lady she was. She was motivated to make a difference in the lives of others- an extension of her work as a pastor. Also, as a pastor, life is very busy, so we worked together to make the licensing process more manageable and to ensure she didn’t feel alone in navigating the requirements. “
After Rebekah was licensed as a foster parent in Epworth’s program, two little boys – toddlers who were twins – came to live with her. They stayed with her several months before being returned to their birth mother who had successfully completed a treatment plan.
After a few months, she contacted Epworth to say she was open to taking another child or children. This time, she asked to be placed on a list of foster parents who were interested in possibly adopting a child.
Epworth next placed three young girls in Rebekah’s home, twin sisters Auriana and Izabella who were four, and their younger sister, Olivia, who was three. It was not the sisters’ first time being placed with a foster family. The girls had been in several foster homes between attempts at reuniting them with their birth families. By the time they came to live with Rebekah, they had been through much upheaval and uncertainty.
Rebekah arranged for the sisters to attend pre-school to help them overcome developmental deficits, but not long after, Covid shut down everything.
“The daycare service I had lined up for them closed,” Rebekah said. “At first, panic. But in the end, the shutdown ended up being the best thing for the girls. They got to bond with me in a way that they wouldn’t have if I was away working every day.”
Rebekah said the extended time at home gave the girls the close attention and quiet they needed to detox from accumulated anger and confusion. Every day, she spent hours on the floor with them as they played. She let the girls decide what to call her; they chose “Mama Becka.”
“As soon as they were comfortable with me, I started taking the time to hold them for about half an hour every morning, when they woke up,” Rebekah said. “It was a beautiful way to begin our day, and it seemed to make a huge difference. They seemed calmer, more secure all day.”
She contacted the other foster parents who had cared for the girls to gather as much solid background information as possible. She also took the three girls to more than 150 medical or professional appointments for counseling, speech therapy and other needs.
“The reward was that over time, they stopped feeling so angry,’ Rebekah said. “Signs of trauma faded; they didn’t cry as much. Every six months or so, it was so clear, the emotional temperature in the house went down.”
The first three years she cared for the girls, she was unsure if the biological parents would ever relinquish custody. So, she focused on helping the girls make progress educationally, socially and spiritually and on making fun, wholesome childhood memories that she hoped might keep their hearts warm in years to come.
Rebekah’s parents and friends also surrounded the girls with love and support. At some point, the girls stopped calling Rebekah ‘Mama Becka” and began calling her “Mom.”
Throughout the pandemic and the year afterward, Epworth foster care staff stayed in close touch with Rebekah. In addition to arranging for the girls to get bikes, Easter baskets, and Christmas gifts, Epworth’s staff helped Rebekah through rough spots.
“Epworth staff showed unbelievable empathy, and they always made sure that I and other foster parents felt appreciated and cared for,” Rebekah said. “They were so dependable and always told me the truth about the girls and what was going on. Their follow-through was exceptional.”
The girls thrived in Rebekah’s home. When the twins completed first grade, they ended up jointly winning “Student of the Year.”
When it became clear the girls might become available for adoption, Rebekah applied. In the weeks before the court procedure where the adoption decision would be finalized, Epworth’s director of church relations reached out to her.
“The faith piece of Epworth’s support was huge for me,” she said. “In addition to all the support I received from the foster care staff, Epworth’s chaplain called me and prayed with me before the court date.”
The day the adoption went through, Rebekah Carpenter marveled that her lifelong dream had finally materialized. She wanted to do something symbolic to help these three young girls, who were now officially her daughters, remember the day that they became a permanent family.
“It was the girls who came up with the idea to put identical streaks of color in our hair,” she said. “I thought that sounded perfect. We went down to a local hair salon and we each had a streak of color in our hair to represent that we were now a permanent family.”
Today, she says, the girls sometimes ask questions about their biological parents and what happened in the past. She lets them talk about it and lets them know their parents love them and want what is best for them.
“A lot of the topsy turvy stuff is gone now,” she said of her family’s day-to-day lives. “Like a lot of families, instead of a new car, we spend money on babysitters and things the girls need. I live in gratitude every day. I’ll never be able to put a price on what I received from fostering and from Epworth.”
Rebekah strongly encourages anyone who might be drawn to fostering to go ahead, take the leap, and grant themselves the grace to follow that holy calling.
“Fostering isn’t something you do that makes a difference only in the moment.” she said. “It has eternal ramifications. A foster parent affects the lives of children, and of any children those foster children may have one day. Foster parents make a positive difference in the world, forever.”
